RainyMay.com | Michelle Harris

Cambria

Cambria is my oldest daughter. She is fourteen. It seems just like yesterday she couldn't pronounce her name so when people would ask, she would reply, "Camabia".  We looked up the meaning of her name one time and it said: coming from Wales; the Cambrian era.  Not sure what all that means. If I were to define what Cambria means it would be: Beauty, poise, abundant laughter, and deep seeded confidence.

This week, Cambria has had a horrible double eye infection that 'hurts like a mother' (there is irony in this pun).  One part of me is in anguish because she is so miserable. The other part of me is enjoying being nurse maid. I almost feel like she is 4 again. The truth is, there are 4 years left until she leaves for college.

Last night I had the privilege of being up at 2:00am with her. I was able to give her some medicine, refresh hot compresses for her eyes, wipe the tears that occasionally fell, and crawl in bed beside her till she went to sleep. I hope she remembers the night forever. I know I will.

I'm running out of time. I wish I could go back. I'm not sure what I would do different. I could say I would cherish those midnight wakings more. However, sleeplessness effects one's perspective, especially if you've had several nights, weeks, or even months of it. No. Going back isn't an option. Being fully present in each and every moment I have left is. It's all I can do.

God Children

I have amazing daughters. You will always hear me say that. However, as babies and toddlers I have never worked harder. And the known fact about my beautiful daughters is that they inherited a bit of my sensitivity. This is to say, when they were in their primary years, I witnessed my share of their tears.

This last weekend we had the privilege of watching our God children, Aidan and Delia. Molly and Ryan's children are as loved as our own and yet they are very different. They are so mellow. I'm not sure we witnessed one full tear drop fall from their faces the whole time they were here. Is this human? All I can say is that they should have a dozen more babies.

As the Barrans were leaving our house Saturday night there was realization of a stinky smell eminating from Delia's southern end. Scott, Ryan, and Cambria were already loading the car outside so Molly yelled out the window, "grab me a diaper."

I started the process of changing the diaper. I placed Delia on my light green couch and as I unwrapped the brown oozing present, I quickly knew that we were in over our heads.  We viewed a river of brown going up sweet Delia's back. I started giggling. The situation just seemed so funny. I blurted out to Marissa and Molly, "Quick, help me get her to the ottoman (leather)!" Each gal grabbed a limb and moved Delia to the safety of the ottoman. Molly hollered out to the loading crew, "I'm gonna need the whole diaper bag!" All the while my giggles now turning into loud laughter. It all seemed so funny to me. Here we were scrambling to take control of a total mess and Delia just kept looking up at us with a look that said, "What in the heck is all of the comotion about?" Completely calm, as we all freaked out over her load of poop. Hilarious!

Mad about it!

It was Monday and the sun was shining brightly but this did not help my foul mood. I was angry and frustrated. It was the day that I had picked to go out, once again, to solicit my business self to title companies. I hate to do this. It always feels as if I'm trying to prove myself and make people "want me". This is when the rebellious angry side comes into play and the internal dialog starts, "Why should I have to impress anyone! If they don't want me or like me that's their problem!" 

The challenge with this dialog is that it is pointless. I do need these people to be impressed by me so that they will hire me. I need their business. And then I am even more mad at the knowledge of this. Here's the bottom line: Why must I work so hard to get what I want and than sometimes even when the work is finished I may not have what I had wanted or think I need.

I was driving down the road in my ticked off state and dared to start the dialog with God. It had been brewing. My toddler self started the ramble, "God I am royally ticked off at you. On top of this I am totally fried at myself because I'm sure I should be more grown up by now and not be having this full on tantrum. After all people are starving in the world and I can't seem to get perspective. If you can help me with this I hope you will, even though I am still frustrated with you." To tell God what He already knew was in my heart felt brave. Admitting it to myself was even more courageous.

I would like to say the anger left. It did not. As a matter of fact it was the motivation that kept me navigating to each new title company and hitting them with my sales pitch. They would have never known how frustrated I was inside because I turned on my "fake it till you make it" Michelle. Presto! Bouncy, peppy, Michelle appeared. Most of you have met her.

As I checked each business off of my list I felt stronger and stronger. I got a quarter of the way through and then half way and after each encounter I experienced a new wave of confidence. People were mostly warm and I was surprised each time they said, "Yeah, we will definitely give you a call!"

I got home from it all and felt a real sense of accomplishment. For me this was like climbing a mountain. I had to face a brand new city and try to navigate myself from place to place without getting lost, which I did successfully. I also had to meet new faces who could choose to accept or reject me. And even more of an accomplishment is the fact that I had to trust that the time and effort of this day was going to be beneficial. I may have worked hard and it may prove profitable or not. That is not up to me. Mad about it or not.

Aslan

A little over a year ago Marissa was experiencing a bit if nerves to sleep over at her friends houses. She was also having some issues with her stomach that just made her want her mommy...that would be me! This posed a challenge because I, as you know, cannot be with her 24 hours a day.

One of my best friend's, Karin, suggested I  get Marissa a stuffed animal to bring her comfort. I thought about this for a while and came up with the brilliant idea to buy her a lion. We had just gone to the movies together and seen Narnia. On our way to Chelan we stopped in Leavenworth and found the perfect Aslan. I gave it to her and explained that Aslan represented Jesus and He would be with her to comfort her anytime she needed and she could even talk to Him about what ailed her.

Fast forward to Marissa's second day at her new school. She was feeling quite nervous on this particular morning and I was doing everything I could to bring her comfort, to no avail. I dropped her off, reluctantly, and prayed my guts out in the parking lot. I felt like she was in kindergarten all over again!

Later that week Marissa said, "Oh yeah, mom, I  forgot to tell you. Remember on Wednesday when I was so sad? I went into class and they started playing a clip from the Aslan movie. I looked up and saw Aslan and I wasn't nervous anymore!"

OK, I know God heals the sick, raises the dead, and moves mountains. He also comforts little girls on their second day of school, which is possibly the biggest miracle I could ever ask him to do for me!

New Shoes

Can you remember getting those new pair of tennis shoes before school started? I can recall asking mom and dad if I could wear my new shoes and then the clerk would put my old shoes in the box. I would go out into the mall and see how quick they could make me run. I was convinced I was faster than before.

One year, I remember asking for Nike's because a kid at school had made fun of my brown Sears shoes. The boy said to me, "What do your shoes say? 'The Winner'?" I can tell you that I felt much more like a loser at that moment! I went home and begged mom and dad for Nike's. They said I could pay the difference for the more expensive shoe. The Sears shoes were $12.99 and the Nike's were $19.99. Every red cent of that seven dollars was worth the pride and prestige of wearing my new name brand.

I was trying to come up with a good word picture for how I feel in this new home, in this new city, in this new church, with new neighbors, a new gym, new schools for my kids, new stores, new roads, new job.......new everything! Shoes seemed to fit (pun not intended).

New shoes are awesome. They look great. They are fresh and bright. They give the illusion of speed. Other people come up to you and say,"Cool shoes!"

Old shoes are way more comfortable. You know how they are gonna feel when you put them on. As a matter of fact you don't even think about it. They don't give you blisters. You can actually run faster because they are broken in. (Athletes never buy new shoes right before a race) They fit! And they fit good!

I guess I can't wait until I fit, in this new place. Only time can make all of my "news" become "not new" and then like a pair of shoes I won't even think about it, but all will be familiar and comfortable again.

The other day my cycling instructor Wanda, hollered at us over the music, "Get out of your comfort zone!" I later assured her that I was officially out of that comfort zone! She assured me this would bring about growth and benefits. I guess time will tell. I'm banking on it.

Just Chill

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

                - LaoTzu

Johnny

Besides moving this has also been the summer of weddings. Our most recent wedding was Scott's brother, Jared and Kris (new sister in law). We went to a great pizza joint in Georgetown for the rehearsal dinner. It was tons of fun.

On my way back from the food line I excused myself past a guy.  This guy was waiting in the food line, and talking it up with other fellow line holders. He jokingly said,"OK, only if you give me your food". I laughed, thought nothing of the man, and returned to my seat.

After about a half an hour I turned towards my mother in law and noticed she was talking to the same guy. She asked him which family he was related to and he proceeded to say, "I'll tell you as soon as you start putting tens in my underwear." He introduced himself as,"Johnny" and told us he was on his way to the restroom and not part of the wedding family at all.

What? Not a part of the wedding family! The guy, 'Johnny', as he would call himself, was mooching off our pizza! I couldn't believe it. I was witnessing a wedding crasher right before my eyes!

More Firsts

Yesterday was my families first day at our new church, Brooklake Community Church. I was excited, nervous and hopeful as Pastor Mike introduced our family to the congregation. We were touched and pleasantly surprised by the gifts that were given to us. We each received gift cards to our favorite stores and I was handed a huge bouquet of Lily's and roses (the scent fills the room as I type). My favorite part of the morning was the warm greetings of people who gathered to meet us after the service. In particular, I especially appreciated the parents who brought their daughters over to meet Cambria and Marissa.

I was almost moved to tears over one particular situation that I watched evolve before my eyes. A dad and his daughter came up to meet us. Apparently they had just moved here from Hawaii two months prior. He introduced Allison to us and informed us that she too would be attending the Brooklake school and that she was in sixth grade just like Marissa. Later, we found out Allison was overheard saying to her dad, "I have a friend now!" her face beaming. Little did she know this was the sentiment of Marissa too.

Pastor Mike and Melody, along with the Brooklake family, made us feel so welcomed. Having moved several times now, I have come to realize that what makes a place feel like home is the connections made with people. The church building or the beauty of my house cannot make me feel at home. When I start meeting people, knowing their names, the names of their children and listening to the hopes and dreams in their stories, I begin to truly feel at home. I am well on my way!

Daley Was Back In Town

Thanks Daley!!!

Walking In And Out

Scott, the girls and myself piled in the car yesterday and allowed the car to guzzle gallons of gas so we could visit Scott's old stomping grounds, Redmond Assembly of God. Pastor Strum and his wife, Merlene were celebrating 50 years of ministry and of marriage. Over a hundred people showed up to honor their lives with stories of how God used them. Jesus was revealed in each one of the narratives.

I found myself deep in thought.

Change is inevitable. We walk in and out of peoples lives but the thing that remains is whether or not we left the imprint of Jesus on those people...not the imprint of ourselves.

That's what I want for my life. It's the only thing that will remain in the end. Jesus being imprinted on hearts.
Sometimes I get in the way of that happening. I'm so glad that, "He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it."