RainyMay.com | Michelle Harris

Floating in Outer Space

Quite a few years ago I read a delightful series of fiction books by Jan Karon.  I can remember the main character saying,"I feel as if I'm floating in outer space tethered only to God." At the time I read these words I was in transition and so was Father Tim.

I still find this sentence to be the exact picture of how I feel, even today during my present transition.
Maybe I can elaborate. Its not like I'm grounded to the space in where I find myself, because I am leaving. I am pulling up the roots that I have tied myself to. I have not created new roots nor do I even know what this new place will look and feel like.

I am some where in outer space and those things that brought me such security are changing. Many things are disconnecting from me or I am from them. Except the main thing. He is the one that I am securely tied to. I don't plan on letting go and even if I did He holds tightly onto me. My frailty and sense of vulnerability only make me more aware of how close Jesus is. He is coming with me and that is not going to change. 

Nine and a Half Years

Over nine years ago Scott and I felt called to plant a church in Lynnwood, WA. Jesus also impressed this dream into others hearts and so we began a journey that reads like a chapter of our life. It has been a long, beautiful, and growing time.

Yesterday, June 22nd, we announced that we will no longer be the pastors of The Rock Church and today I feel sad. I am sad because I am saying goodbye to people who have shared a dream with us. A dream to love and care for people, who in a lot of cases had no church experience. We desired to create a place that felt safe enough for individuals to look into their hearts, for maybe just a moment, to see what they were missing. A place where they could invite Jesus into that empty space.

I can remember in the beginning stages of the church plant Scott challenged everyone to dare to dream. And so for the first time we wrote down ideas of what God might have for The Rock. The sky was the limit. We dreamed about spiritual things and maybe not so spiritual too. I can remember picturing a rock wall in our church foyer. I mean, we were named The Rock, after all.

Not all of the details of our dream came true but what I realize  as I reflect over the past years, is that the heart of our dream came true. The Rock is a place where truly no church experience is required. Just today Scott received, what we consider to be the highest compliment of all. He had a church member say that they had been looking for a church that they felt they could invite their unchurched friends to and they had finally found that at The Rock.

It is time for us to go. God is leading us to a new place but we are content because the heart of the people at The Rock is the same as ours. It is a heart that desires people to know Jesus.

I am sad because I am saying goodbye to some amazing people. I am hopeful for the future. I am anticipating a good year for my family and  a good year for The Rock.  A verse that keeps going over and over in my head as it pertains to my family and The Rock Church family: He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it in you.

Responsible

I am a first born so it seems I find my pendulum swinging hard to the responsible side. I not only try to do everything right for my own life but I try to right the world for everyone else's life. I take on too much responsibility.

This is not right. The load becomes heavier than God intended.

I was singing a song the other morning with Marissa curled up beside me in bed. The words were: "Be still and know that I am God."  I kind of forgot Marissa was beside me until she said, "You're Michelle Harris not God."
I laughed as she looked up at me with her coy grin.

I pondered her statement later in the week..."YOU ARE MICHELLE HARRIS NOT GOD." I thought how often I take on all kinds of responsibilities as if I think I'm God. I mean, I don't really think I'm God. Of course I know I'm not, but I think I can try to control life's events hoping to keep everything in a perfect balance. I forget that someone bigger than myself is organizing my life in a way that may not seem perfect to me. But in a way that can be trusted.

My Bad!

I decided long ago that it was not OK to text and drive at the same time.

I was driving out of the Target parking lot when I looked up to see a panic stricken cart boy attempt to stop a long row of carts from hitting my car. He was literally running to the front of his carts where he used all of his weight to stop them. I slammed on the brakes and thought, "Wow, that was close!"

Even as I write this I know I'm not supposed to be giggling but the terror on the guys face causes me to laugh out loud. He must of had thoughts of a customer law suit as he envisioned the collision in his mind.

I came back to the present and realized I had been looking down because I was reading a text! My expression turned to one of humility and I mouthed, "My bad." He looked shaken and a bit disheveled and it took him quite a few seconds to faintly smile back at me.

I decided today that it is not OK to read a text, even in a parking lot, while driving.

Unique

You are the only you this world will know, and something about your life is meant to make something about God known in a way no one else can do.

                                                                -Dan B Allender

I hope this will inspire you. It did me.

Thoughts On Time

If I could go back and hear something from someone to help me grasp how fast time goes, would I even listen? Better yet would I understand it? Why is it that time can't stand still. I desire it to at least slow down. But do I really? Wouldn't I be bored if I got to live out one day that remained the same? Is there any balance to the enjoyment of time passing or must we always grieve it? I have heard the cliches a hundred times about how, "it was just yesterday and she was a little baby."

As much as I tried to enjoy my daughters at each age and somehow hold onto them, I still didn't manage to keep them young.

I really can't believe they are 11 and 13. Perhaps grief begins the minute our children leave the womb. If not, then why do we feel so sad every time another milestone passes? Is there a way to mark these milestones so as to somehow hold on to them?

A lot of deep thoughts today brought on by a conversation Scott and I had. A lot of questions swirling around in my head as I try to make some sort of sense about time. I would love to hear your thoughts.